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Monday, December 27, 2010

10 Bad Sex Movies

Knowing the 10 bad sex movies on this list can save you the time and horror of viewing. From the ridiculous to the outrageous, these flicks fail on almost all levels. Watch these titles at your own risk.

  1. "A Mid Summer's Night Cream" Topping the list of bad sex movies comes the porn that failed to do Shakespeare justice. The Old English dialogue is poorly spoken, or slurred in some parts of the flick and the no-name actresses wear bad wigs and too much make-up. A theatrical dud.
  2. "Hard Candy" The 3D film starring John Holmes makes the list of bad sex movies. Watching porn in 3D is not only corny, but it makes Holmes appear even larger and unreal than usual.
  3. "The Lord of the G-Strings" The flick about medieval villain-slaying sluts fails makes the list of bad sex movies. Almost every aspect of the movie, including the poorly spoken dialogue and the badly shot sex scenes equal one big fail.
  4. "Frankenpenis" John Wayne Bobbit's porn debut makes the list of bad sex movies. The man made famous by having his penis cut off by his wife cannot perform in the scenes and the ladies appear less than impressed by his reattached apparatus.
  5. "The Uranus Experiment" Cheap scenery and even cheaper scripts land this one on the list of bad sex movies. Set in space, the attempt at "no gravity" sex ends up being a big mess with no finale.
  6. "Who's Nailin Palin" This take-off on former Vice Presidential candidate Sara Palin flops on its face from the start. Cashing in on a famous looking face couldn't keep this one off the list of bad sex movies.
  7. "The Meat Man" Maybe for "foodies" this one might not belong on the list of bad sex movies, but for the rest of the world, it definitely has earned a spot. A delivery man uses meat products to please his female customers. That's a big no, thank you.
  8. "Edward Penis Hands" The take-off on the 1990's Hollywood movie of a similar name hits the list of bad sex movies for its totally 80's look. The girls wear acid washed jeans and Farrah Fawcett hair. Wow, just bad.
  9. "The Sperminator" The science fiction porn flick makes the list of bad sex movies. The super hero in the movie has a special gun for stopping his adversaries with sperm.
  10. "The Ass Brothers" Even the anal sex lover would put this one on the list of bad sex movies. Two over-the-hill, bald brothers bang middle-aged women who are more than obviously not into them and cannot stay in character. The question "did he even get it in?" is asked through out this poorly done flick by all who watch. "Are you done?" and "Do I get paid now?" are the best lines of the flick.

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